Bayyinah TV

*At this point, at this ghastly age, i’m just writing what comes off of my head and no longer bother about structure , or creativity, or the art of being a good writer. Dear reader, i am too busy but some things need some urgent written record*

Nouman Ali Khan gave a beautiful motivation to those who want to study the Arabic in order to understand the Quran.

When the material gets tough, and when the study becomes overwhelming, remember always what Allah has promised in the Quran :


I was a student of Arabic before, quite the serious one too with essays and stuff but i stopped at around 16 years old. I really hated Arabic–the teacher , the dryness, the rough, throaty aural sounds that it requires, and the general toughness of it all (but i had a knack at languages so i got quite good at it Alhamdulillah)

Nowadays i absolutely cannot write those essays anymore, but i can still pick up tenses and a couple of vocabularies.  (That gives me a rough idea what a sentence should talk about). However, even during the times when i was the diligent student, i couldn’t speak it for my life. It was with humongous effort of memorization that i passed the oral exam.

So let’s restart inshaAllah.

I like the way Bayyinah started it by giving the whole big picture on why do we even do this. Its a beautiful thing also that Bayyinah ensures that students start with the correct way before embarking on a study--by making the correct intentions. Not the alphabet.

Here’s to my long journey, please make dua for me.

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*what will follow will be a little personal*

Ramadhan is the time to leave whatever that is eating you inside.

I decided that it is time. Time to stop and move on. It’s been over a year, each month a slipping cause, and the cause of many sad, upsetting times.

Kalau tak call, maknanya taknak call.
Kalau dah tanya boleh call ke tak masih tak nak call, maknanya dah tak interested.

I may be naive, but not obnoxious.
Human behaviour ni senang, kalau tak reply maknanya tak penting.

Tu je.

I’m tired of being the one who always tries. Tired of doing all the work. Always the over enthusiastic person in this dynamic. They say expecting anything from creations is bound to be a road destined for disappointment. I know that . Doesn’t negate the fact that my mortal , imperfect feelings still get hurt.

It’s been real my friend, time to move on.


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Bayyinah seminar series

People go to classes, but every not so often, you go to a class and it was the best one ever. For me, that was last weekend. I am still reeling from it, and i don’t know how to recover from it. Those classes where by the time you’re finished with it,  life should not return to normal after. 

The class is called DIVINE SPEECH: Literary Characteristics of The Quran by Nouman Ali Khan. I wouldnt usually describe a two day, 11-8 back to back class as awesome, but this one really was.

The material is very heavy (I had 42 pages of notes), elaborate,  and technical.

But we had an amazing teacher, Nouman Ali Khan. (By the way, he was much more AWESOME on stage. He ruled it. He imitated everyone, and anyone, and was funny every 15 minutes) . Plus, the class was about something i really love: The Quran. You cannot afford to sleep.

We covered:

1) Verbal idioms

2) Intricate word choices

3)Transitions in the Quran in 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person

4)Sequences in Quranic Discourse

5) Alleged grammar errors

6) Relationship between beginning and end of a surah

7)Literary features of Surah Yousof

8) Dialogue in the Quran

You might be falling asleep just by reading the subjects but it is the most wondrous stuff i’ve ever learnt. 

The Quranic journey is a personal one for me especially. I found Islam and was convinced through reading The Quran and learning to understand it, and not because i was born a Muslim. The only niggling problem is i do not know Arabic well.

What Bayyinah taught me that weekend is it paved a clear way on how to approach Arabic in such a way that can make The Quran more accessible to the people. It’s an embarrassment for me, and a sad case for the Muslim Ummah, that Muslims themselves don’t understand the Quran.

I remembered one conversation with my roommate, who was non muslim.

” So you claim that The Quran is your life guide book?”


“But do you understand Arabic?”

“Not really”

“Then, that’s odd, how do you take a strange book that you do not understand as a guide”


The thing with the Quran is not just about the translation, it also has nuances that i wouldn’t even get if i simply read the direct translation without context. This problem had to be addressed.

My ultimate goal (may Allah help me) eventually is this: to be able to teach it. The same way Nouman Ali Khan, may God bless his heart made it accessible to everyone because i’m tired of Muslims doing stupid things because they don’t read the book or simply cherry pick whats inside the book. (Allah even had a verse in The Quran warning of these tendencies). But more importantly, it’s an amazing book, and it’s choking me up when people don’t know it more. 

Now the motivation is here, it’s time for the hard work.

P/S: The Malaysian leg of Divine Series is also the last. When it’s up on Bayyinah TV , go watch it. It might sound like a crazy ordeal to listen to two full days set of lectures but you will thank me later.

P/S: Congratulations friend. I missed you last weekend.

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Good end

Why do i have to miss my best friend’s wedding?

(Well ah-dunn-nno farah, maybe Allah knows best)

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Khmer Kids

I’ve got some stories for ya.

Recently, i concluded my visit to Cambodia and here i will recount my encounter with the kids there.

Quick facts based on my encounters :

1. The kids that peddles stuff around the Angkor Wat complex are all MasyaAllah, well versed in english-better than mine when i was 4– and pretty good salespeople

2. They dont wear shoes

3. Their nails! and clothes can make you go ‘astaghfirullah’ and enough to give a normal domestic mother heart lesions. Caked dirt that is perhaps, dried and wet and re-dried again, in all shades of brown.

4. They’re very hungry, really, buy them food. I offered one of the local food snacks that i couldn’t finish ( an amazing concoction of rice, beans, coconut, salt and sugar wrapped in bamboo leaf) and they practically GRABBED it.


I was exploring and there’s this little girl whose name i cannot pronounce (but she spelled it for me) was trying to sell me fridge magnets (1 dollar for two). These are her highlights:

  1.  “Two for one dolaaar, (as i walked away and gave a smile ), okay i give you three for one dolaaar!’
  2. (As i was explaining that i already bought stuff) ” But you didn’t buy from me yet!” Smart kid.
  3. (As i was sitting) ” It must be a hot day for youuu, (opening a paper fan, and started to me) , buy this one for one dolaar”
  4. (As i was asking why she needs the money for, since her school is free by the monks) ” I need to buy a new bag, its already torn”
  5. (As i was commenting about her rotten teeth) ” I eat too much cookies and candy, but i think chewing gum is okay , because its not hard on the teeth” ( I then followed up with lessons about how its the sugar that ruins the teeth, not ‘hard’ food)
  6. (As i further gave her lessons about how a frail kid should eat more nutritious food) ” Yes my mother made me eat rice , or else she won’t let me watch TV”
  7. ” Can you buy me cold coconut water? If i buy for you it will only cost 3000 riels and not one USD, but don’t tell anyone” (I made her buy two , one for me one for her)
  8. (As i was offering her a slightly lower valued one Malaysian Ringgit) ” This is only 25 cents! can you give me Five?, Thats about 1.25 USD”

As i was saying, this kid was smart.

This kid enchanted me, so i made her a deal: Read a paragraph of a book i was reading, and she will have that coveted one dollar. She did, with great difficulty ( the word ‘aesthetic’ was particularly challenging) but she did it.

I was so happy i gave her two.




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Family of Jannah

I attended a class about Heaven and Hellfire based on the Quran and Hadith last weekend (too many good notes) and there’s this young family who came too. Mother , father and an adorable boy named Ayden.

The teacher was explaining to the class about the Quranic descriptions of ‘Huurun ainn’  in Heaven–a hit subject for the men , not so much for the womenfolk. (but theres a nice twist at the end, indeed Allah is Most Fair).

And after all that, the husband came up immediately to his wife and said:

” B, In Jannah i will only choose you”

” Sekarang you cakap lah! Nantiiiii (Now, of course you say this! Later…)”

*Cue collective awhh everyone*

Apart from that cute exchange, this family is what i ideally what i’d like to practice if ever i get the chance to have a  family. I will list this in points why:

- The husband and wife acknowledge each other all the time. You know there are occasions when you spent days with a group of people and only during the last day you realize that theres a married couple involved? (And only after someone mentions it to you). 

- The husband and wife are not embarrassed to display their dynamics

-The husband did not leave the wife alone with the kid, ( i have seen too many disinterested dads out there, sighing in relief when the wife comes to save the day) but in fact often checks with the wife on how she is handling the kid.

- Looking at them is like looking at a tag team

Its brilliant. 




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Heart is the strangest thing

I think the heart is not good for me

It is defiant to judgement, affects mood, hurts with a single sentence (or a non-sentence), unencumbered by sense, rattles poise, breaks easily, mended easily , can be emptied , can be filled, nonchalant to physique of steel , aloof to possessions, doesn’ t listen (i would argue never), prone to folly, promotes foolishness, loves ridiculously, a little blind, impaired to reason, guides and turns , feels too much, asks plenty of questions, never answers questions, champions stupidity, devotes kindness, bad at math, not exactly a real organ,  and all other list of things now that i’m fuming.

In short, it is like fluff.

Can i be relieved of it. 

(Maybe not, because how would i know happiness then)


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